Cheating is a relationship problem. When there is infidelity, this does not mean that the deceived person is not an incomplete, incompetent or good wife. Deception is also seen in good relationships.
The process after being deceived is like a loss. After the infidelity is learned, the trust of the person is damaged and the ground of the relationship is shaken. The individual story of the person experiencing infidelity, his past experiences, his perception of cheating, his beliefs and thoughts, the quality of the relationship before the infidelity, his spouse’s attitudes and behaviors affect his way of experiencing the post-infidelity process and its violence.
This period is almost an intensive care period. It is possible to get out of this process in a healthy way or not to leave intensive care. Contrary to what is thought, deception does not always end badly. If the couple decides to continue the relationship together, sees the relationship problems, resolves the reasons and strives to continue the relationship, they can have a better quality and healthier relationship than before.
This period has its own set of difficulties because the sense of trust of the person who experienced being deceived, their beliefs in the relationship were shaken. Just like the person in the mourning process who experiences a loss, there are intense emotions such as surprise, shock, denial, anger, despair, despair, sadness and acceptance. As the person tries not to think about the events, they may find themselves thinking over and over again. Efforts to suppress, on the other hand, increase these thoughts. Pain is an indispensable part of life, and like any emotion, however unpleasant, it has a limited lifespan. In this process, facing the pain rather than running away from it facilitates its acceptance.
The couple makes an unwritten agreement, often based on trust, before starting the relationship. Cheating is a process that breaks this relationship contract, the relationship of trust. If there is no spoken or made decision about deception prior to deception and there is a moment of crisis, future decisions should not be taken immediately. After deception, both sides have losses. Each of them can be seen in their own changing order and difficulties.
What Should Be Considered When Cheating Occurs?
When communicating, it is necessary to tell the truth and not to lie. In questions about deception, if the person does not feel ready to talk, he / she should state that he / she is not ready to talk about it.
One should not talk about constant deception. It is necessary to speak within certain limits, at certain times. It is important not to talk about all the details of infidelity, but to focus on the present moment and to be able to plan and imagine the future. Yes, deception occurred, maybe nothing will be reset, but when this process is lived healthy, deception will not control the whole life.
If there is a child, this process should not be reflected on the child and the child should not be taken as a party. Explanations should be appropriate for the age of the child and in a form that they can understand. Discussions and differences should not be experienced in front of the child. If this situation will be told to large families; Will the privacy of your relationship be protected, will they be able to approach you impartially and support you, and first of all, you should ask yourself what are you aiming for, what your expectations are when telling your family members.
In this process, energy should be drawn from the third person and the focus should be on the couple relationship.
In couples who apply for couples therapy with the problem of infidelity, the relationship with the third person ends, and it is seen that a healthier relationship is possible if both spouses make an effort to heal the wounds caused by this process.
Problems experienced should be addressed without covering up or ignoring. By making sense of this incident, taking forward steps, accepting and resolving the problems in the relationship, the wounds that are opened over time can be repaired. It is very important for couples who decide to continue the relationship to receive professional support and couple therapy support in order to overcome this process in a healthy way.