If we evaluate our day, are we cheating more or more?
Researches say that the rate of unfaithfulness is increasing gradually. So is there a reason for this? In fact, there are many reasons.
For many people, deception is primarily a way to get rid of the routine of the day, the life patterns that cover our lives and the habits caused by them, the feeling of abstinence experienced by the person.
Most of them have utopian dreams about being couple and married. They want your relationship to bring happiness, to heal the wounds of the past, to excite and to keep everything as it was on the first day. Unfortunately, individuals who expect a lot of marriage are more likely to lose their love.
When society becomes more and more narcissistic, individuals ‘I’ s crush both “YOU” and “WE”, and the demand for immediate fulfillment of desires and desires opens the door to difficult problems to solve.
Another big factor on infidelity is the problematic of sexuality becoming a duty in long relationships. One of the possible factors is that one of the couples will prefer the path of infidelity by being caught up in the spontaneity and passion of sexuality, as individuals begin to see sexuality not as satisfying and satisfying, but as a necessity of marriage and emotional relationships. It should not be forgotten that individuals do not aim for reproduction in sexuality, but for pleasure.
Maybe we are not aware, but the conditions we are in are the biggest triggers of betrayal. The consumer society is pushing individuals to meet their needs, while advertisements are deceiving one brand with another. This is exactly the effect of social media on infidelity.
Sometimes cheating appears as a reflection of the abandonment or fear of being abandoned as a reflection of our childhood.
An old proverb says: “Marriage is the tomb of love.” Can it really be like this? What can happen in marriage that love disappears? Science confirms this, putting results to us. At the end of about three years, dopamine, the hormone underlying passion, is replaced by oxytocin, the maternal hormone. However, the couple’s relationship does not actually lose by losing dopamine, the desire hormone. He gains love and respect. But it is not satisfied with this new rhythm created by both female and male oxytocin. He wants to have butterflies fly in his stomach again and get his feet cut off when the phone rings. So he can find himself in a place where he can reproduce dopamine. For this reason, betrayal is sometimes called a “new experience” that gives energy to ignite a monotonous life, and sometimes it can be fulfilled as a personal psychological need.
Another segment that applied for treason is the one who thinks that closeness will weaken them. The intense belief that this will weaken the person if it is attached to someone can push the individual to deceive even if he is satisfied with the relationship he is in. This situation is generally directly related to one’s past life, the style of attachment he developed and the relationship of trust he established with his parents.
The most common type of infidelity that we encounter today is the situation where marriage dies, but the deceiver has to deceive in order to feel that he lives and exists only for financial problems and for his children. While struggling tough marriage, one can search for a port where he can feel good.
While unfaithfulness is seen as a man-specific situation, the number of women betrayed in today’s conditions has started to be at least as many as men. The biggest trigger of this is developing protection methods. Women who know that these methods can minimize the risk of extramarital pregnancy, can also go unfaithful considering this factor.
All of these are the factors that cause unfaithfulness that undermines marriage or relationship.
There is an issue that couples need to differentiate when faced with this situation. He is also; “Did betrayal brought about this relationship, or did the relationship open the door to betrayal without going well?” The individual should try to understand infidelity here instead of finding good reasons for infidelity. Only in this way can the relationship damaged be restructured. Of course, “Should it be restructured?” The question remains a matter of couples’ view of the relationship and their individual preferences. Although many relationships / marriages end up being unfaithful, researches show that; Some of the couples who decided to come together as a result of betrayal may be more loyal and more loving in their relationships than before, but they are more satisfied than before in their relationship. The reason for this is that both the betrayal party and the betrayed party determine what are the problems in their relationship and try to repair them. We can give an example to this situation; A thief entering a person’s home is a situation that upset the person and would not want to live. However, if this happened, the crime is not the person who lives at home. Crime is theft, and the culprit is a thief. What if the person has decided to continue living in this house? It is then that it identifies the measures and vulnerabilities that can be taken to ensure security at home and tries to eliminate them. Just as the person who was betrayed but preferred to stay there should do it. These; What makes the relationship more sensitive to external factors is to find and repair problems such as conflict areas and level of conflict, level of emotional and physical proximity, expectations in the relationship and factors that wear the relationship.
While unfaithfulness may be a trauma, the way to repair it is to understand, accept and forgive it. Continuing the relationship meant here is not bringing the betrayed partner back to life. Whatever the person’s post-betrayal decision will be, the easier way to overcome this situation is to just stop rebelling and accept. Accepting does not mean to submit to the effects of that trauma, to think that what has been experienced is fair or to forget all that has been experienced. It is to be able to stop seeing only what is happening and to see it as it is. When we start to see the events as they are, we can find the causes more easily and see what we will change. If the causes do not change, events; events do not change, but results do not. Therefore, instead of getting stuck in the past and worrying about the future, people should be able to stay in “now and now” and solve problems.