Perhaps one of the most determining factors affecting the present and future of a relationship is the forms of communication in the relationship. The work of American psychologist and couple therapist John Gottman shows that the 4 items mentioned are the key points of the relationship.
ACCIDENT: The situations experienced or certain attitudes of your partner may be disturbing you. This is very usual, but avoid criticizing your partner’s character. The line between complaint and blame is really thin and can break your partner.
For example, it is a complaint to say “I was worried that you came too late without notifying you last night. Saying, “why are you so irresponsible at the trouble of reporting?” Is an accusation and a criticism that has been made explicitly to personality.
DESTINATION: Denial is the dimensioned form of criticism. Behaviors that include taunting the partner, speaking with disrespect and contempt, sometimes even humiliation, needling, and the use of various facial expressions fall under this heading. Such attitudes cause one of the partners to position themselves superiorly and the other to feel more worthless. The underestimation in the 4 headings in this article is the first step towards divorce.
DEFENSE: It is an understandable attitude tow ards criticisms that are thought to be unfairly targeted. But contrary to what is desired, it makes the debate hot and it becomes difficult for us to come to a conclusion. When we are discussing, we do not find ourselves in defense at once. When we realize such moments, we refuse to take responsibility. Then we will be trying to blame our partner. It’s kind of like protecting yourself in a “victim” position.
For example, I can clarify the issue with the following sentence: “If you gathered the table after dinner, I would not be too late.”
WALL KNITTING: It is the attitude that is mostly shown in the face of contemptuous attitudes. During the discussion, one of the partners suddenly interrupts communication, does not want to speak, tells us that we do not want to listen, and even behaves as busy.
Our biggest share; If we liked the person in front of us as it is, it would remain like this. If he is a messy or careless person, let him exist. Let’s not fight him and help him to minimize these movements. This is true not only for men, but also for women. If he is very emotional, very sensitive, only the person who knows him and has a love bond can minimize it.
Recently, we say that the level of tolerance of people has decreased, and divorces have increased. If we can tolerate what we love and avoid these substances, a happy relationship becomes inevitable.